The President's Brain Is Missing Read online

  “You saved the President’s life,” Alex said.

  “Yes,” Stein said. “For what it’s worth. But it wasn’t just me. The idea came from the Secret Service. The President takes too many public risks. He’s always going out into crowds and mixing with the public in ways that make it hard for his agents to keep him safe. Last year he even wanted to ride through Dallas in a convertible. Dave finally had to show him the Zapruder film to get him to change his mind. From the Secret Service’s point of view it was only a matter of time before something like this happened. They came to me for advice. When the President decided to make this speech in the open, we acted.”

  “And you did that without him knowing,” Alex said.

  “No other way to do it,” Stein said. “I’ll save the technical discussion for another time. But as you can see, it’s possible.”

  “I don’t understand why you didn’t tell any of us,” Alex said.

  “Tell you what?” Stein said. “That I secretly wrapped the President’s brain in a hole ripped out of spacetime? Alex, first I want you to imagine how that conversation would have played out with Dave. Then I want you to imagine how it would have played out with the President. He’s deeply suspicious of the idea that the Earth revolves around the Sun and not the other way around. You know that.” He pointed to the television. “Now I won’t have to explain it. The benefits are obvious.”

  “Except that I’ve been kidnapped off the street and hidden away in a room with a man with a gun,” Alex said.

  “Oh, that,” Stein said.

  “Yes, that,” Alex said.

  “I am sorry about that, Alex,” Stein said. “You found out more than I would have given you credit for, faster than I would have expected. If you had told Dave about Louis Reynolds and his family, my involvement might have come out too soon. So all of this was only a precaution.”

  “I’m not sure I believe you,” Alex said.

  “Here’s how: Right now you’re underneath the East Wing of the White House,” Stein said.

  “Bullshit,” Alex said.

  “Welcome to the bunker,” Stein said. “A small corner of it, anyway. Which you are of course free to leave. In fact, you should probably get back to your desk. Dave’s been screaming for you since the assassination attempt.”

  “Oh, crap,” Alex said, and started looking for his cell phone.

  “Here,” Stein said, producing it from one of his pockets.

  “You took my phone?” Alex said, taking it.

  “You needed your rest,” Stein said. “Now, Alex, whether you tell anyone about what happened to you today is up to you, although of course I hope that you won’t feel it’s necessary. Also, given what’s happened today, you’ll understand when I say that even if you do discuss it, it’s likely to get lost in the shuffle.”

  “Probably,” Alex said.

  “And besides, I brought you a cheeseburger,” Stein said.

  “Oh, well,” Alex said. “That makes it all better.” He got up from the cot, and wobbled.

  “Everything all right?” Stein said. He had walked to the door and turned back to catch the wobble.

  “I’m fine,” Alex said. “Just a little light-headed.”

  “That’s to be expected,” Stein said. “All things considered. Give it a day or two. Your head will feel totally normal by then.”

  Alex looked up. “Wait. What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked.

  Stein smiled and walked out the door.

  Copyright © 2010 by John Scalzi

  Art © 2010 by Carl Wiens

  Books by John Scalzi

  THE OLD MAN’S WAR SERIES

  Old Man’s War

  The Ghost Brigades

  The Last Colony

  Zoe’s Tale

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  Agent to the Stars

  The Android’s Dream

  Fuzzy Nation (forthcoming)

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  The Rough Guide to Money Online

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  You’re Not Fooling Anyone When You Take Your Laptop to a Coffee Shop

  Your Hate Mail Will Be Graded: A Decade of Whatever, 1998-2008