We Only Need the Heads Read online

  “Not at all,” Abumwe said.

  “Thank you,” Ting said. “I think you and I have established a good rapport, Ambassador Abumwe. I wish every negotiating partner I’ve had could be as pleasant and easy to work with.”

  “Thank you,” Abumwe said. “We have enough issues to deal with without adding unnecessary conflict to the negotiations.”

  “I agree entirely,” Ting said. The door behind her opened and her assistant returned, carrying a medium-sized case, which he set on the table. “And I believe that this common belief will aid us both now.”

  “What is that?” Abumwe asked, motioning to the case.

  “Ambassador, you remember yesterday, when we were talking about Ambassador Zala’s appendix,” Ting said, ignoring Abumwe’s question.

  “Yes, of course,” Abumwe said.

  “I noted to you how it was strange such a small part of a system could threaten the entire health of the whole,” Ting said.

  “Yes,” Abumwe said, looking at the case.

  “Then you will understand when I say that what you tell me now, here in our little side room, away from the larger negotiation between the Colonial Union and the Bula, will have an immediate impact on the health of the whole process,” Ting said. “I asked for the right to do this, on the grounds that the specifics of our negotiation—the physical visitation of our people between our planets—lent itself to this particular task. All I had to do was wait until we had all the information we needed.”

  Abumwe smiled. “I’m afraid I’m not entirely following you, Sub-Ambassador Ting.”

  “I’m very sure that’s not true, Ambassador Abumwe,” Ting said. “Please tell me what you know about the Colonial Defense Forces presence on Wantji.”

  “I beg your pardon?” Abumwe said.

  “Please tell me what you know about the Colonial Defense Forces presence on Wantji,” Ting said.

  Schmidt glanced over at his boss and wondered if the tension that he could see in her neck and in her posture would be at all noticeable to an alien not entirely familiar with human physiological cues. “I’m not a member of the Colonial Defense Forces, so I’m not sure that I would be qualified to answer a question about its presence on any world,” Abumwe said. “But I know people in the CDF who would be better able to answer your question.”

  “Ambassador, that was a delightfully artful evasion,” Ting said. “I couldn’t have done it better, were I in your position. But I am afraid I really must insist that you give me a direct answer this time. Please tell me what you know about the Colonial Defense Forces presence on Wantji.”

  “I can’t tell you anything about it,” Abumwe said, opening her hands in a I would help you if I could gesture.

  “‘Can’t’ is a strategically ambiguous word to use here,” Ting said. “Can’t because you don’t know? Or can’t because you’ve been ordered not to say? Perhaps the fault here is mine, Ambassador. I have been too imprecise in what I’ve been asking. Let me try again. This is a question that you may answer with a ‘yes’ or a ‘no.’ Indeed, I must insist that it is answered with a ‘yes’ or a ‘no.’ Ambassador Abumwe, are you personally aware that there was a Colonial Defense Forces presence on Wantji?”

  “Sub-Ambassador Ting—,” Abumwe began.

  “Ambassador Abumwe,” Ting said, pleasantly but forcefully, “if I do not receive a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer to my question, I am afraid I will have to suspend our negotiations. If I suspend my negotiations, then my superiors will suspend theirs. The entire process will fail because you have not been able to offer a simple response to a direct question. I believe I am being perfectly clear about this. So, a final time: Are you personally aware that there was a Colonial Defense Forces presence on Wantji?”

  “No,” Abumwe said. “I am not aware of that.”

  Ting smiled a Bula smile and opened her hands in a very humanlike gesture, as if saying, There, see? “That’s all I needed, Ambassador,” she said. “A simple answer to a direct question. Thank you. I do apologize for adding this conflict to our negotiations, and especially sorry to do it to you. As I said, I believe we’ve had excellent rapport up to now.”

  Schmidt saw the tension drain out of Abumwe’s neck and shoulders. “Thank you for your apology, but it’s not necessary. I would just like to finish up our work.”

  “Oh, we have,” Ting said, and stood. Abumwe and Schmidt hastily stood with her. “We finished the moment you lied to me.”

  “When I lied to you,” Abumwe said.

  “Yes, just now,” Ting said. “Bear in mind, Ambassador Abumwe, I am almost entirely certain that you were ordered to lie to me by your superiors. I have negotiated with enough humans to know what someone being ordered to lie looks like. Nevertheless, you did just lie to me, and that was the test, to see whether you would or not. You did.”

  “Sub-Ambassador Ting, I assure you that whatever you believe I know, my actions should not have an effect on the larger negotiations—,” Abumwe said.

  Ting held up her hand. “I promise you, Ambassador Abumwe, that your people and mine are not done negotiating,” she said. “What we are negotiating, however, has changed substantially.” She motioned toward the case. “And now, at last, we come to this.”

  “What is in the case?” Abumwe asked.

  “A gift,” Ting said. “Of sorts. It’s more accurate to say we’re returning something that used to belong to the Colonial Defense Forces. It’s actually two objects, one inside the other. We considered removing the second from the first, but then we realized that you—humans, not you personally—could argue the first didn’t come from the second. So we felt it best to leave it in place.”

  “You’re being vague,” Abumwe said.

  “Yes,” Ting said. “Perhaps I don’t want to ruin the surprise. You may open it if you like.”

  “I think it might be better if I didn’t,” Abumwe said.

  “Your choice,” Ting said. “However, I would appreciate it if you convey to your superiors a message I have from my superiors.”

  “What is it?” Abumwe asked.

  “Tell them that after they’ve opened that case, when we reconvene, the subject of negotiations will be remuneration for the Colonial Union’s illegal Colonial Defense Forces presence in our territory,” Ting said. “Not only for the illegal settlement on Wantji, but also the warship we’ve currently in our custody. The Tubingen, I believe it is called.”

  “You’ve attacked the Tubingen?” Schmidt said, and immediately regretted the lapse.

  “No,” Ting said, turning to Schmidt, amused. “But we’re not letting it go anywhere, either. Its crew will be returned to you eventually. Our new round of negotiations, I believe, will set the price for the return of the ship itself.” She turned back to Abumwe. “You may tell your superiors that as well, Ambassador Abumwe.”

  Abumwe nodded.

  Ting smiled and gathered up her PDA. “And so farewell, Ambassador Abumwe, Mr. Schmidt. Perhaps your next set of negotiations will fare better for you.” She left the room, followed by her assistant. The case was left on the table.

  Abumwe and Schmidt looked at it. Neither made a move to open it.

  Also by John Scalzi

  Old Man’s War

  The Ghost Brigades

  The Android’s Dream

  The Last Colony

  Zoe’s Tale

  Your Hate Mail Will Be Graded

  Fuzzy Nation

  Redshirts

  Edited by John Scalzi

  Metatropolis

  About the Author

  JOHN SCALZI is the author of several SF novels including the bestselling Old Man’s War and its sequels, and the New York Times bestsellers Fuzzy Nation and Redshirts. He is a winner of science fiction’s John W. Campbell Award for Best New Writer, and he won the Hugo Award for Your Hate Mail Will Be Graded, a collection of essays from his wildly popular blog Whatever (whatever.scalzi.com). He lives in Ohio with his wife and daughter.

  This is a work o
f fiction. All of the characters, organizations, and events portrayed in this novel are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.

  HUMAN DIVISION #3: WE ONLY NEED THE HEADS

  Copyright © 2013 by John Scalzi

  All rights reserved.

  Cover art by John Harris

  A Tor Book

  Published by Tom Doherty Associates, LLC

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  New York, NY10010

  www.tor-forge.com

  Tor® is a registered trademark of Tom Doherty Associates, LLC.

  e-ISBN: 978-1-4668-3053-0

  The Human Division

  John Scalzi’s stirring new novel in the universe of his bestselling Old Man’s War

  New e-episodes will appear every Tuesday from January 15 to April 9, 2013, on all your favorite e-book sites. Don’t miss a single one:

  January 15: The Human Division #1: The B-Team

  January 22: The Human Division #2: Walk the Plank

  January 29: The Human Division #3: We Only Need the Heads

  February 5: The Human Division #4: A Voice in the Wilderness

  February 12: The Human Division #5: Tales from the Clarke

  February 19: The Human Division #6: The Back Channel

  February 26: The Human Division #7: The Dog King

  March 5: The Human Division #8: The Sound of Rebellion

  March 12: The Human Division #9: The Observers

  March 19: The Human Division #10: This Must Be the Place

  March 26: The Human Division #11: A Problem of Proportion

  April 2: The Human Division #12: The Gentle Art of Cracking Heads

  April 9: The Human Division #13: Earth Below, Sky Above

  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  Copyright Notice

  Dedication

  Begin Reading

  Also by John Scalzi

  About the Author

  Copyright